How to sit with your emotions : Step-by-Step Guide for parents

Human beings have conjured up countless ways to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions, and it’s a common experience that carries no shame. Whether through distractions, denial, or simply brushing feelings aside, we often find ourselves trying to escape emotional discomfort. However, when we avoid these emotions, they persist under the surface, often resurfacing in ways that impact our well-being and relationships.

As parents, the challenge is even greater because we often lack someone to “coach us” through these difficult emotions. This is why learning to sit with and process emotions is an essential skill. By handling discomfort for a short period, we can release emotions in the long term. This practice not only helps us manage our own feelings more effectively but also models emotional intelligence for our children, creating a supportive environment where they can learn to navigate their emotions with confidence and resilience.

The Children’s Choice Step-by-Step Method

To help both parents and children develop this crucial skill, we’ve created the Children’s Choice Step-by-Step method. Here’s how it works:

Step 1 – Become Aware of the Emotion

The first step in sitting with your emotions is to become aware of them. This involves recognizing that you are experiencing a specific feeling.

Example: “What am I feeling right now?”

Reflective Questions:

Am I taking a moment to pause and identify my current emotional state?

What physical sensations or thoughts are accompanying this emotion?

Step 2 – Name the Emotion

Once you are aware of the emotion, the next step is to name it. Identifying the specific emotion you are feeling can help you understand and process it better.

Example: “I am feeling sadness, frustration, or anxiety.”

Reflective Questions:

Can I accurately label the emotion I am experiencing?

What words best describe what I am feeling?

Step 3 – Accept the Feeling

Acceptance involves acknowledging that the emotion is present and allowing yourself to feel it without judgment.

Example: “This feeling is here, and it’s okay to feel this way.”

Reflective Questions:

Am I giving myself permission to feel this emotion without trying to push it away?

How can I be kind to myself while experiencing this feeling?

Step 4 – Get Curious

Being curious about your emotion helps you understand its origins and patterns. Reflect on when you have felt this way before and what might have triggered the current feeling.

Example: “When have I felt like this before?”

Reflective Questions:

What past experiences or situations are similar to what I am feeling now?

What thoughts or events might have triggered this emotion?

Step 5- Allow the Feeling to Release and Pass

Allow yourself to fully experience the emotion, giving it the space to be felt and then to pass. Use your preferred coping mechanisms to help with this process.

Example: “I am letting the feeling go. I might shake it off, cry, or use my favorite tool to release it.”

Reflective Questions:

How can I best express or release this emotion in a healthy way?

What tools or techniques work best for me to process and release emotions?

Consider writing down your feelings in a journal. This can help you process emotions and recognize patterns over time.

The Importance of Emotional Processing for Parents

Learning to sit with and process emotions is not just a personal skill; it’s a critical aspect of effective parenting. By following these steps, you can manage your own feelings more effectively, creating a healthier emotional environment for both yourself and your family. When children see their parents handling emotions with grace and understanding, they learn to do the same.

📥 Download our guide for parents: “Emotional Coaching”.
This guide tools on  how to sit with Difficult Emotions: Anger, Fear, Disappointment, Jealousy, Sadness, Overwhelm, Anxiety, Regret.